Skill level: executive

I work as a Sys Admin at an Ivy League college for my department only.  Our department manager thinks we do nothing but carry around keyboards and usb keys; she has stated as much to my supervisor.  She is a mean, cold, evil woman who can’t remember her own name half the time.  The other day I get a phone call (instead of an email address, because she can’t remember to email support instead of us individually) that she can no longer “hear sounds.”

She stated that she went into the control panel and her sound settings appeared to be ok.  I have no idea how she remembered to do that, but gave her credit and told her I would come take a look.

As I walk in her office, I can see that her speakers are off (no light).  So I ask her to please turn on her speakers (as she sits in her chair and “guards” her computer unless you ask to touch it).  She looks at me with her usual deer-in-headlight look and says “how?”

I ask for permission to reach around her and quickly turn them on and leave…BEFORE I fall over laughing.  As it happened, her friend and partner-in-crime (the HR director) who sits two doors down from her had the EXACT same issue a week before.

[Picture Source:Brian Lane Winfield Moore (CC)]

Denial isn’t just…well you know

No, users NEVER get their password wrong. Never.

Customer calls in. Outlook is working but he can’t into some other mail program. He “knows” he has the right password.

Me: “Ok, so you just tried the password that you think it is and that didn’t work?”

Cust: “That’s right.”

Me: “Why don’t we just reset the password on the server. Now, if Outlook stops working that means you had the wrong password so make sure you type it carefully as what you believe the password is in the iPhone.” (device irrelevant)

Cust: “Ok but I don’t think that’s the problem.”

Me: “Let’s just consider this a test.”

Cust: follows directions to reset his mailbox password

Me: “Ok. Let me push that update to the server. It’ll take up to two minutes max.”

Cust: before the update finishes “Ok, the iPhone’s working. Let me check Outlook.”

Me: …

Cust: “Ok, now Outlook isn’t working.”

Me: …

Cust: “What do I do?”

Me: “Put in that password you just reset to in Outlook’s password box.”

Cust: “Are you sure?”

Me: …

Cust: “Ok, I’m typing that in. There, I just click OK.”

Me: “and I see a successful login on the server now.”

Cust: “Well, I don’t know what happened there.”

Me: “you had the wrong password noted so when you reset it didn’t match Outlook’s password and outlook stopped working like I said it would.”

Cust: “Well I know I had the right password. I guess my Outlook profile was messed up or something. Thanks for your help.”

Me: after the call ended “I JUST FUCKING EXPLAINED THAT YOU MORON! WRONG PASSWORD MEANS WRONG PASSWORD. WE JUST PROVED IT…” And then I threw something across the room.

via: [Reddit]

Contest: What IT terms/phrases have you coined?

Ever have a day where you’re just in a off mood? Last week I had a user call about a stuck CD tray.  I politely told them I would be up shortly and use the “magic hole” to get the disc out. They never even questioned it.

So that leads me to ask…what strange, unusual, absurd, off the wall terms have you used on a client or user? Put your entry in the comments! We’ll pick the top three and then put them to you guys to vote on! Winner will receive the most epic prize ever: BACON JERKY!

Submissions will be taken today through Wednesday night and the top three will be available Thursday and Friday for voting. Put your submissions in the comments and make sure you don’t post it as anonymous so we can get a hold the winner next week.

Are you kidding me?!

User: Hey! Is something going on with the time clock it’s like so slow!

Me: What do you mean? Does it respond?

User: Yes, it worked but it so slow! (no that’s not a typo)

Me: Oh ok, so do you know if anyone else is having a problem?

User: Yea, Rhonda said it’s so slow for her too. What’s going on?!

Me: Weird, let me log in on my PC and see what happens.

User: I already punched out, see you later I gotta go!

Me: …. are you f**king kidding me? (The timeclock loads fine.)

Every day that passes I am more and more likely to answer the phone like this, “IT what’s your ticket number?”

via: [Kevin]