Cougar support, only not nearly as cool as it sounds

Yikes – my worst nightmare…

I do on-site IT work. Mostly commercial, I also do some residential. This was a residential job. Those are always either an awesome experience (receive cupcakes or such, and meet great people) or a nightmare (like this).

I was 22 at the time. Got a call from a very good business friend of mine that has a friend who needs help. The friend is a lady who was super-paranoid that her ex-employee was “hacking her computer” and making her printer not work, among other things.

I receive a call from the woman the next day, she half-explains her situation to me, and then starts explaining a ton of personal things that are going on in her life. She then asks me for directions to some lawyer that I’ve never heard of. I figure “what the hell”, and I look them up– I try to be a nice guy when I can. I help her get there, she says thanks, and hangs up. No appointment made, nothing. I go “WTF” to myself, and get on with my day.

I get a call back from her almost two weeks later. She explains the situation to me again, along with other things, and we set up a time. I show up, lady is 55 years old, very drunk. She looks like she might have had a lot of plastic surgery. She tells me about her employee who she was sleeping with (he was 25), they had some arguments, and he’s supposedly been “hacking her computer”.

I saw nothing wrong with the machine- no remote software, nothing like that. I relayed that to her. I start changing her passwords and doing other minor things while she continues to drink and offer me drinks. She then starts making weird innuendos (about how I could teach her all sorts of things, stuff like that). At this point I’m very uncomfortable, but I’m staying because I want to get paid.

Then, this woman starts telling me about her husband, who had died just a year ago. Remember, she also just got out of a really weird relationship with this employee that was barely older than me. It started out her telling me about how he died (motorcycle ride that they were both in, he died right in front of her), and started crying– which is understandable, and I imagine fucked her up pretty nicely. Then she starts telling me about things he used to make her wear. Shit got weird. Sometimes, in the middle of telling me about how he used to make her enter bikini contests and wet T-shirt contests (she also kept talking about her lingerie), she would relapse back into her crying and talking about him dying and her having nothing left to live for.

Then, she starts telling me about how she’s young at heart, though, and how she likes to party with guys my age. She asks if I like T.I., I say that I’m not a fan. She starts blasting TI and dancing, and trying to get me to dance with her. She’s very drunk by this point. I have my boss call me to fake an emergency and I slide out.

tl;dr – 55-year-old woman. I was 22 (and engaged). NOPE.

Edit: I should also mention that it took her months to pay. We had to send her a “we’re about to send this to collections” letter, which we’ve only done one other time. I told my boss there was no way I was letting this lady get by without paying, after that.

via: [Reddit\TalesFromTechSupport]

[Picture Source: philosophygeek (CC)]