Website design hell: “It’s hot and spicy!”

From our friends at Clients from Hell:

Designing a poster advertising a Mexican restaurant’s new meal deal:

Client: That looks good; but I don’t feel like it looks spicy enough.

Me: In what way do you want it to be spicier?

Client: I want more herbs and stuff on top of the chicken.

Me: Okay, I’ll need a few more days to re-shoot the product.

Client: You can just draw them on.

Me: I… think it would look more realistic if i just took more photos of the product.

Client: Okay, whatever. Can you also say how hot the product is? We need to get across that it’s hot and spicy.

Me: I can talk to our copywriter about putting something about that in the text.

Client: No, just put some ‘heat lines’ above the chicken, like spicy hot heat lines. Or have a little guy at the side of the chicken going, “It’s hot and spicy!”

Me: That’ll probably take a lot of work. And I think adding some kind of character would clash with the original design.

Client: No, it’ll be so funny! Everyone loves it when you add that stuff in. And have him throw the herbs on and stuff! And can he be like [celebrity]?

Me: Like as in he looks similar to [celebrity]?

Client: No, just get a photo of them and put them in.

via: [Clients From Hell]

If at first you don’t succeed, FORCE IT.

This morning, I walk into the office to a ticket labeled “Broken Laptop”. Clicking it open, it’s from a manager that is well known in the IT Department here for being technologically illiterate. And even more so, most of the folks he manages are as bad, if not worse than he is. The ticket text is completely blank, so I figure it’s not hugely urgent. Brew my morning cup of coffee, and then swing over to the lab area where he and his employees work.

I find him pacing out in front of one of our smaller labs. He explains that this is a critical issue, as one of his employees can’t work at all. I nod, ask him who, and he points over to the corner of the room. Gerald (not his real name, of course), he says.

As we begin to walk over, he begins to elaborate. Apparently this month, they are doing cross-training between receiving, technical support, booking, shipping, and ordering. So all of these employees will be jumping from workstation to workstation. Something slowly begins to tick away in the back of my head. That something is very wrong in paradise.

Now, this warrants a little backstory. At my place of employment, we use Dell Laptops exclusively. Each laptop has a monitor, keyboard, and mouse (on occasion a USB Hub or set of Speakers as well) hooked up to a docking station. We primarily use Latitude E6400′s and up, so for the most part all of our laptops use the same docking station. However, there are a few cases where they do not. For example, the folks in shipping use Latitude D630′s. One of our older employees in Booking uses a Vostro.

As I walk over to the machine, around the corner and up the slight incline, I can already see the issue. But, hearing it from this manager’s mouth just really put the icing on the cake.

“When Gerald came in today to work in Booking, his laptop wouldn’t fit on the docking station. I figured it was just weird, like there was a piece of plastic in the way or something.”

Continuing to walk forward with this explanation, the laptop is indeed on the docking station. A Vostro. On a D630 Docking Station.

“So, I figured a little elbow grease would do the trick, right? Got over there, and pushed. It was a tough little sucker, but it finally went on! But now the monitor won’t light up. I have no idea what’s wrong.”

I pick up the entire unit, laptop and docking station, removing the wires from the dock. The laptop is skewed from the back of the dock at about a 10 degree angle. There is a faint rattling sound as I lift the machine into the air. And the machine really, really is not coming off of the dock.

via: [Reddit\TalesFromTechSupport]

Picture Source: [Jeff Sandquist (CC)]

Asking all the right questions

Reprinted with permission from our friends at The Daily WTF:

Lawrence’s interview started with Mark, the new MIS manager. A recruiter had hooked them up. The company was a medium sized organization, with four large locations and a few thousand employees. There was an AS/400 serving as their main back-end, and a small collection of other servers pitched in to provide extra ecommerce applications.

Despite the large userbase and the fact the company claimed to be “growing and dynamic”, their IT offices were strangely empty. Lawrence made a comment about that as a joke. “Is everyone out for a retreat or training? Must be nice.”

Mark didn’t get it. He quickly blurted something about “restructuring” and moved into some basic technical questions. Very basic, like, “How do you reboot a server?” and “How do you check if a server is still connected to the network?”

“Here, let me show you down to Sandy,” Mark said, “she’ll be asking you the more complex technical questions.”

Sandy was the lone IT drone still in the office, and it showed. Her phone rang every five minutes during the interview, and her inbox was a perpetual source of dinging as support tickets crashed in. Over the noise, she quickly assaulted Mark with a more difficult set of questions, but she didn’t have much time. Lawrence handled this section well, and it ended quickly. “So,” she concluded, “do you have any questions for me?”

“Um… so, how long have you worked for Mark?”

“A week. He’s new. Just promoted up from the sales floor, actually. Here, let me show you down to the Frank’s office. He wanted to talk to you, last.”

Frank was the CFO . His office sat in the corner of the building, and his desk was roughly the size and color of a battleship. It hand roughly the same amount of junk slapped on top of it. When Sandy dropped Lawrence off, Frank was busy ignoring his computer and tapping away at his BlackBerry. Lawrence sat quietly for a good five minutes. “So you’re Larry,” Frank finally said.

“Lawrence.”

Frank clasped his hands over his desk and leaned on to his elbows. He looked as serious as he possibly could, and then fired the big cannons. “Larry, my entire IT staff quit last week. Everybody but good, old, loyal Sandy. All the rest of our developers, operators, service-desk and management. Eight people walked off the job at the same time. Why did they do that, Larry?”

“I… I couldn’t tell you. Did you ask them?”

“Why do you think someone would quit? You work in IT. You must have some idea.”

“Um…” Lawrence considered the question, considered what he had seen, and considered how bad it might be to be honest. He decided that being honest was worth it, this time. “Well, Mark was saying that you support thousands of users, and a bunch of ecommerce apps, but only had eight people on their IT staff?”

“Yes.”

“And, at a guess, were they working 24/7?”

“Of course.”

“On salary, right?”

“This isn’t McDonald’s. We don’t pay by the hour.” Frank clucked his tongue, as the very idea was distasteful and disrespectful.

“And if they got out-of-hours calls, did you comp them time?” Lawrence asked.

“No. That’s just part of the job.”

“And on average, how many hours would you say your employees actually put in any given week?”

“We’re team players. We don’t count hours.”

“So, probably about 60, then?” Lawrence ignored way Frank’s expression said ‘ramming speed’, and concluded “That’s probably why they quit. Anyway, thank you for your time, today.”

The quickest route out of the building passed Sandy’s cube. When she saw him hustling out, she flagged him down and handed him some printed sheets. “Hey,” she whispered, “would you mind passing my resume along to your recruiter?”

via: [The Daily WTF]

Picture Source: [Clintus McGintus (CC)]

Wayback Wednesday: The ISA Hardcard circa ~1990

Ahhh – the Plus HardCard.  I remember installing a number of these on our Compaq 486 series machines in the early 90′s.  These were great!

I remember thinking “Wow, hard drives have come a long way where they can fit on an ISA card!”  Oh, technology, you make me feel so old.

Plus Hardcard Models
Product Name Capacity (MB) Access Time (ms) First Shipment
Hardcard 10 65 October 1985[13]
Hardcard 20 20 49 June 1986[14]
Hardcard 40 40 35 May 1987[15]
Hardcard II 80 80 25 (19 effective) January 1990[16]
Hardcard II 40 40
Hardcard II XL 105 105  ? (9 effective) October 1990[17]
Hardcard II XL 50 50
Hardcard EZ 240 240 16 September 1992[18]
Hardcard EZ 127 127 17
Hardcard EZ 85 85 17
Hardcard EZ 42 42 19


via: [Wikipedia]