This one’s a tall image, scroll to the bottom for the transcript:
“Dear South Asian Techinical Support Corporation. / I have recently purchased one of your Analytical Engines and my cycle apparatus is consistently off by unity. / Please advise. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham. / This is Vidhur. Hello. Did you remember to have your man-servant crank the mill of the Analytical Engine? / Yours, / Vidhur”
“Dear Vidhur, / Indeed. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham. / Please have your man-servant cease cranking the mill, then commence cranking once again. / Yours, / Vidhur”
“Dear Vidhur, / Having done so, the problem persists. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham. / Please hold off on your missives whilst I communicate with my supervisor. / Yours, / Vidhur”
“Dear Vidhur, / Very well. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Vidhur, / I have been on hold now for three and twenty weeks. I wrote you during Winter, and had intended to travel to Austria-Hungary come spring. This plan shall now be postponed, despite your corporation’s guarantee of technical redress within fourteen weeks of postmark. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham, / This is Rajdeep, Superintendent of South Asian Technical Redress corporation. / Did you remember to have your man-servant crank the mill of the Analytical Engine? / Yours, / Rajdeep”
“Dear Superintendent Rajdeep, / Having done same with your inferior, Vidhur, I respectfully request you consider this problem more seriously. I have been seeking Technical Redress for nine and twenty weeks now. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham, / My apologies for the difficulty. Please have your man-servant cease cranking the mill, then commence cranking once again. / Yours, / Rajdeep”
“Dear Superintendent Rajdeep, / Indeed I have, and the problem persists. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham, / I must consult sundry technical manuals. Please enjoy the enclosed music box whilst I attempt to determine the problem. / Yours, / Rajdeep”
“Dear Superintendent Rajdeep, / It has been nine and thirty weeks, and I am unsatisfied with your technical redress. Your service is sub-felicitous and your music box plays only that music which was created prior to the 1860s. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham, / Our apologies for the significant wait. We have determined that the cycling crank on your Analytical Engine is too long, resulting in overly fast cycles. We recommend you either purchase a shorter cycling crank or hire a man-servant with weaker arms. / Yours, / Rajdeep”
“Dear Superintendent Rajdeep, / Very well. / Please send me a shorter crank free of charge. / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Rajdeep or Vidhur, / Have you received the recent several messages I have sent? It is not three and sixty weeks since I first wrote, and your technical redress remains unsatisfactory. / Please reply post-haste! / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham, / The technical file for your case was inadvertently lost in the War against the Damnable Burmese. / Please re-inititate communication. / Yours, / South Asian Technical Support Corporation”
“Dear South Asian Technical Support Corporation, / Please make a priority of repairing my defective Analytical Engine! / Sincerely, / Lord Bradenham, Esq.”
“Dear Lord Bradenham. / This is Vidhur. Hello. Did you remember to have your man-servant crank the mill of the Analytical Engine? / Yours, / Vidhur”
The Sunday Times newspaper headline reads, “93 British Lords Go Mad In Same Month. Cause Unknown.” Another article headline reads, “Indian Rebellion Looms.”
via: [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]