One of my all time favorites…!
I worked at an online Christian bookstore that had some how-to videos for users. One day a user called in furious that our videos would play in Windows Media Player.
The conversation went like this:
User: “I want it to only play in a Christian media player!”
Me: “There is no such thing as a Christian media player. Windows Media Player is a neutral thing, there is no built in morality, it will just play the video you click on.”
User: “Can I play porn on it?”
Me: “….Technically, yes. But you can play porn on your TV too, or you can watch the Price is Right, it’s a neutral thing”
User: “I dont’ want to watch videos on anything I can watch porn on”
Me: “Can you tell me what you saw on your computer to make you upset? Perhaps I am not understanding what you mean.”
User: “I found a button on Windows Media Player maked “Skins” – and I don’t want to see any skins, I just want to watch the Christian videos!”
Sometimes you just need a PC to do a Mac’s job.
Many moons ago, when I was working for a Dial Up Networking ISP, I wound up taking a support call from a man who apparently had no teeth. It even said so right in the previous case notes that you had to listen carefully because he would mumble and was difficult to understand.
So I set out to help the gentleman with as much concentration as I could muster. The call went like this:
Me: Hello this is [me] how may I help you?
“Mumble-bumble Mumble-bumble Check.”
Me: Ok sir it sounds like you are having an issue with checks?
“No! Mumble-bumble Mumble-bumble Mumble-bumble check!”
Me: Sir,…are you trying to get into your banking web site?
“No! Mumble-bumbleMumble-bumbleMumble-bumbleMumble-bumble CHECK Mumble-bumbleMumble-bumbleMumble-bumble PASSWORD!”
Me: So you need your password for your bank, or check cashing?
“NO Mumble-bumbleMumble-bumbleMumble-bumbleMumble-bumbleCHECK PASSWORDCHECKPASSWORDPASSWORD CHECK!”
Me: Ok sir, you are sure you are not trying to get into your bank or something?
“NO! SEX! S-E-X! ORALSEX DOT COM! WHAT’S MY PASSWORD!!!???“
I placed the call on hold and turned to my supervisor and calmly asked, “Um…do we maintain ‘oralsex dot com’?” (we didn’t maintain or host any web sites, we were just a dial up ISP) She laughed and of course said “No.”
I got back on the phone and delivered the message that no, we did not maintain this site, and that he would have to contact the site administrator for the password. As such, the contact information is typically somewhere on the web site.
Service with a smile.
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[Picture Source: Christian Johnstone (CC)]
So, many many moons ago I worked for a major PC manufacturer whose cow prints shall remain nameless. I was green in support so I was unfamiliar with the intricate balance of reading the level of common sense of our customers over the phone.
I had a very nice lady call me completely in tears one day because she had spilled an entire can of soda on her keyboard and it had quit working properly (aside from being just nasty – lol). One of the tricks I had learned was to have the customer put the keyboard in the dishwasher, after which, they should let it dry for a day or two. I explained to her this was perfectly safe to do and she was elated that it could possibly be so simple. Several days pass and she calls me back in tears because it didn’t work and NOW her computer won’t even turn on! After a few minutes of interrogation I determined that I needed to overnight her a new replacement computer.
What tripped me off? It was at the moment when she stated that she was able to get her keyboard AND box (CPU) in the dishwasher but the monitor didn’t fit so she had to remove the top shelp of her dishwasher and run a separate load just for it!
Needless to say i was WAY more specific going forward with the keyboard trick. LOL
[Picture Source: banger1977 (CC)]
I work as a Support Desk Analyst for a large Midwest insurance carrier so I frequently hear all kinds of things come out of the callers mouths. I did not expect to hear this come out of my co-workers head.
We use a fax program that allows us to receive a fax directly onto our pc and an insurance agent was calling in over a rate discrepancy. As is usually the case they did not save the quote in the computer but they did have a print out of the quote. My co-worker asked her to fax it to him. This is pretty normal for us, what I did not expect to hear when he received the fax was the following phrase. Mam I need you to go ahead and re fax this to me it came in upside down… WHAT??? I turned to him and asked him did he actually say that? He looked back at me and actually had the gall to say, But it came in upside down… My reply was, Well then you go in to the menu bar and hit the rotate button so its right-side up…
That’s it I’m revoking your geek card…
I’m the network technician for our company, which is a medical group. One day one of our doctors said he was having trouble with his speakers. My supervisor, the Network Admin, was on site and he said he would take a look. After 15 minutes of tinkering with the volume and other settings under the control panel, he gave up and asked if I would take a look. He suggested reinstalling the audio drivers as a last resort.
I reached down and clicked the speakers on…problem solved.
They both turned red and said how stupid I had just made them look.
Argh! Everything’s fine, just a slight weapons malfunction…
This is our stellar patient imaging system. Awesome.