Wednesday, June 19, 2024
HomeFrom The FieldThree tales of Derpitude

Three tales of Derpitude

Hi folks, here are some things that have happened to me over my IT years.

We don’t allow our network users to select their user names. I create them myself, using a combination of letters from the first and last name.
So, one day, a new (female) user shows up. Her boss (who I know well and knows our user policy) introduces her, telling me I must create her account ASAP – so I (only in my head fortunately!) calculate her user name from her first and last name… and comes out “ANAL.”
I look at her boss, who was grinning and asking “So, what’s her user name?”  I choked…then chickened out – I ended up giving her an innocuous name…

While doing a tech support shift on the phone:
Me: Hello, how can I help you?
Outside user: I need your site’s address!
Me: Yes sir, the address is
Outside user: No – no no! The real address!
Me(confused): I’m sorry… the real address?!
Outside user: Yeah! You know, street and door number!
Me: …
Outside user: And I also need to know at what time it opens and closes!
Me: *puts phone on mute so Outside user can’t hear me laughing my ass off*

Some years ago, we used to provide our users with a large, CD-based database and associated software. Shortly after starting to do this, we received the following letter:

Dear sirs. I’m afraid I must return all your CDs as I cannot use them. I’m afraid I don’t have a CD player. I do, however, have a tape player. I would appreciate if you would transfer the contents of the CD to tape, so I can hear it while driving or having dinner. I will, of course, fully pay for this operation.

Best regards

[Picture Source: tarale (CC)]